29 January 2014

Domestic Violence - How to Fight Back

When it comes to self-defense, many women seek training to protect themselves from an attack from a violent stranger.  The sad truth is that women are much more likely be be assaulted or killed by someone they know, often an abusive boyfriend or husband.

As a retired police officer, I saw it just about every night that I worked.  Domestic violence, unlike many other crimes, is pretty much unaffected by things like race and income.  To me it seemed that some people were just better at pretending everything was OK.  The calls would usually come at night, most often called in by neighbors after hearing people yelling and screaming.  Upon arrival, even if there were no marks on anyone, you could immediately feel the familiar tension.  It is always embarrassing when something private becomes exposed.  Not once did I ever believe that it was the first time.  If there were signs of physical assault, he went to jail.  We would usually try to get someone to leave for the night.  This was not always easy because alcohol was often a factor.  What I began to notice in almost every case was the look on his face.  It said, "wait until they are not around to protect you".

No matter how upset she was that night, by the next day she would be down playing it to us, family, and friends.  He would say he was sorry and the honeymoon phase would begin.  Some women are abused every night, but many are abused during episodes.  These episodes have two things in common, more and more time passes between each one, and the violence gets worse.

People always wonder why the women don't leave.  The simplest answer to that is that they have been beat down and belittled so long that they don't have any confidence or self worth.  This makes them believe they do not have anywhere to go.

If you are a woman who is being abused and reading this, it will not get better, he will not stop, so you have to.  Here are some things you can do.

Get yourself a notebook and keep a diary of the date and time of all the abuse.  Look at it as a third party, you have become used to it, think whether you would find it acceptable if it were happening to your daughter.  Write down everything, not just physical assaults.  Keep track of every incident where you did not feel safe.  Take pictures of any and all injuries.  This will time stamp them.  Just about every woman has a confidant.  I know this because unfortunately I have been that person.  Tell them where you hid your book in case you are ever in hiding, or worse, and need it to make your case to the police.  By doing this, you will also likely become aware that things are much worse and occur more often than you had perceived it.

The information I am going to share now is not for the faint of heart.  If you use these techniques in anything other than a life or death situation, you will be charged with maiming, aggravated or 1st degree assault, depending on where you live.  Sadly, even if you use it in a life or death situation, you may still go to jail, or at least until you show the prosecutor your diary.

If you are violently attacked by anyone, things like guns and knives are always options, but not always available.  I decided to use these following open hand combative techniques for several reasons-

1)  They require no tools.
2)  They require little training.
3)  They can be done from almost any body position from sitting to being flat on your back.
4)  The effectiveness is not largely limited by the attacker's ability to feel pain.
5)  They will require him to seek medical treatment, so he will not be able to hide the injury for long.
6)  They have a high likelihood of stopping the attack.

Jam your thumbs into his eye socket-  whether you get one or two, jam your thumbs into his eye sockets as far as they can go and then push farther.

Bite his neck and face- get a good bite like you are trying to rip off a piece of a steak and then do it again.

Grab and rip the testicles-  Get a whole hand full and twist as you rip down.

In reference to the first two, be prepared for a massive amount of blood.  Take any opportunity to get away, and arm yourself with anything you can get your hands on.  If it is an edged weapon, stab him in the groin.  If it is an impact weapon, hit him in the head with it.  One more thing, and this is very important but will be hard to do, stop your counter attack as soon as you believe he is no longer a threat.  Call 911 when it is safe to do so.  Tell them that you were attacked and that you may have killed him, and that you are also injured and need the police and an ambulance.

By this time you have probably figured out that doing any of these things puts you at the point of no return.  I hope you are one of the strong women who make the choice to leave their abuser every day.  If not, now you have something to think about.

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